You may not realize it but you could be surrounded by parasites. Instead of sucking on your blood, they are draining your energy with their complaining, blaming, and negativity. Like the “Dementors” of J.K.Rowling’s 
“Harry Potter” series, they can be persistent and relentless and can make you feel as if you’ll never feel cheerful again. You might be able to recoup your strength with a bit of chocolate and fend off some of their attacks by focusing on your sunniest thoughts, projecting your own little “patronus”, but in most cases, a stronger, more comprehensive strategy is most effective.
Signs That You’ve Been Attacked
Encounters with energy vampires can leave you feeling depressed, empty, sad, sluggish, emotionally exhausted, drained, frustrated and pessimistic. They want you to share their pain, bitterness, anger, negativity, and resentment. They want your pity and attention and want to blame others and vent about their feelings.
Types of Energy Vampires
There are many different types of energy vampires. See if you don’t recognize a few from the following list:
The Martyr: Full of self-pity and “woe is me” stories, the Martyr loves to complain and whine non-stop about all of her problems. Day in, day out, it’s the same thing and you may even hear the same story endlessly repeated. The thing of it is, she never tries to solve any of her problems. After all, if she took control of her life, what would she have to complain about?
The Drama Queen: For the Drama Queen, a simple broken nail can be what broke the camel’s back. Every event takes on amazing dimensions with a Drama Queen. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.
The Blamer: Angry and bitter, the Blamer does not take responsibility for anything that occurs in his life. From his choice of partner, to his career, to his health issues, it’s always someone else who caused his ills. It’s never his fault. And since it’s not his fault, don’t expect him to have a solution. Someone else needs to make amends!
The Butterfly: With her bright face and charm, you’d think she’s friendly and kind, but beware! The Butterfly may have pretty ways, but if you take a second look, you’ll see that she’s a fake and that she may have her own agenda, which may include smiling to your face while stabbing you in the back.
The Critic: The Critic thinks nothing of picking on your hair, appearance, job, children, partner, friends, pets, home, gifts and decisions. If only you would listen to his opinion and advice! Criticizing puts people on the defensive and keeps them from seeing the Critic’s faults. It also keeps him from having to admit his own mistakes and do something about them.
The Star: Hey, it’s all about ME with the Star. He likes to be the center of attention, whether it’s telling jokes or dispensing his wisdom on more scholarly topics. You may think he is listening to your little story, but really, he is just waiting for you to finish so he can tell his own. Don’t expect him to acknowledge things you say or do, since, after all, he is the Star!
The Intruder: Be on the alert with the Intruder. This person seemed never to have heard the phrase, “it’s none of your business.” From asking you highly inappropriate questions point-blank or going behind your back to unearth your secrets, the Intruder is one nosy and persistent individual.
The Gossip: Juicy stories are what the Gossip lives for. It doesn’t matter if it’s the truth or not, it’s sharing the information with others who are not “in the know” that counts. Information is power and since the Gossip isn’t taking control of any aspect of her life, she may as well control the grapevine. Too bad she is poison. Talking about everyone else keeps people from looking too closely at her life.
The Tank: Never one to take “no” for an answer, the Tank is a truly take-charge kind of person. Whether it is assuming that you’ll help with the blood drive or “you don’t mind if I use your computer, do you?” the Tank just assumes you’ll go along with him. He doesn’t consider your needs; what he says goes. He is always right and “it’s not a big deal” so how can you argue with him?
The Dark Cloud: Named for the dark cloud that seems to follow these people wherever they roam. Never mind that it is their own creation. Dark Clouds are endlessly negative and their vocabulary is filled with words like “never,” “can’t”, “doubt”, and “not.” There is nothing to look forward to for a Dark Cloud. The world is always grim for these folks with no color—just shades of gray.
The Paranoid: “They are out to get me!” That is the philosophy of the Paranoid. Distrustful of anyone, they are still trying to fight an enemy that no longer exists, except inside their heads. The Paranoid may even pick fights to test your loyalty and ultimately expects everyone to betray them. Will you be the next one to let them down?
The Baby Bird: Oh poor little thing! The Baby Bird comes across as a pitiful, helpless creature that just needs you to help them along. Of course, before you know it, you’re doing everything for them because they’re just “not strong enough” or “not as smart as you” or “not as fortunate.” If you don’t watch how much they take, though, they will take it all.
The Yo-Yo: The Yo-Yo is a classic passive-aggressive type. Rebellious against any form of control, they nevertheless seek to involve people in their lives and decisions. Even as they make demands, they resist input from others. The Yo-Yo will ask your advice on all kinds of things, but don’t be too surprised if his response is, “Yes, but…” It turns out that no matter what suggestions the Yo-Yo gets, it’s always wrong and of no help.
Doing Battle with the Vampires
Dealing with energy vampires is all about setting and enforcing your boundaries. Here are some strategies about how to discourage them and rid them from your life.
Set a Basic Perimeter
Limit the amount of time you give to an energy vampire. This includes learning how to end conversations with them. You might try saying, “I only have ten minutes to talk” or “I’m in the middle of something right now. I can give you five minutes.” Walking away while shutting down the conversation (“Excuse me, I really have to go to the bathroom.”) is also a good strategy. It may be awkward at first, but gets easier with practice. Also, limit your eye contact with an energy vampire. Making it hard to connect with you discourages them.
Do An Internal Check
Try to remain calm and detached when you are with an energy vampire. Don’t sacrifice your state of mind to their drama and don’t buy into their negativity or their “life’s not fair,” “nobody understands me”, “they are all against me” stories. There’s a time for putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and this is not it. Be kind, but firm when stating and enforcing your boundaries. Avoid fighting their negativity with your own negativity. Most energy vampires aren’t malicious or intending to do harm, so it’s not necessary to be rude or hurtful when you are interacting with them. Keep in mind, too, that some types thrive and feed off of your anger and frustration. They may want to push your buttons or get you riled up. Don’t let them get to you.
Set Rules of Engagement
Define and defend your personal space. Be honest about your needs and let them know if certain topics make you feel uncomfortable. You might try saying, “I don’t discuss my private life at work and would prefer if you not discuss yours with me” or “I really need this time to work/relax/exercise/read.” Another thing you can say is “Personally, I don’t engage in gossip and I’m not interested in hearing any gossip.” You can also ask constructive questions or make requests. You could say, “It looks like you’ve identified the issues. So, tell me, what are you going to do to change things for the better?” or “I will not talk or listen to you talk about ‘this’ issue again, until I see that you are doing ‘X’.”
Perform a Security Analysis
Be accountable in your own life. Take an inventory of whom you have included in your circle of friends, family and acquaintances. Are you surrounding yourself with energy vampires? While you cannot rid yourself of all of them, you can certainly raise your standards and eliminate some of these draining individuals.
Conclusion
As usual in these cases, awareness of the problem is the first step to solving it. Once you have clearly identified the energy vampires in your life, determined how you want to handle them and have carried out your strategy, you’ll find that you have more positive energy, time and emotional resources.
NOTE: I want to point out that energy vampires are relentless and persistent in their conditions and should not be confused with the majority of people who do need help, support, direction and care and are willing to work on themselves and their situations. Everybody goes through rough times and can feel depressed, negative and/or angry about their lives. In these instances, I encourage you to render aid if you are able and willing to these people who are interested in dealing with their issues and create better lives for themselves.
Spring weather this year seems to have brought a host of turmoil to many parts of the globe, but all the same, it’s hard to be unmoved by the new life that nature is clearly presenting to us.
Have you ever said to yourself something like this: “Gosh, I hate telling Aunt Linda anything. She always has to give me her two cents worth!” Or “I just dread talking to my mother. I know that I’m going to have to listen to her go on and on about everything I’m doing wrong and what I should be doing.” If you have, then you have been the recipient of unwanted advice. If you dread hearing, “Here’s what you should do..” or “You should do…” from people and want to change that, then you could benefit from a strategy of how to deal with their unsolicited opinions.
Next, try to determine what the motivation behind the advice is. Some people give advice because they want to help you, but others have their own agenda, whether they are consciously aware of it or not. These people may have unmet needs of their own or they may have specific past experience or may be undergoing situations that color their opinions.
If unsolicited advice keeps coming at you, you have three choices. You can ignore it, you can avoid the person completely or you can firmly enforce the boundary. Some ways to do this may be to say, “Thanks, but if I need advice, I’ll be sure to ask for it” or “Thanks, but I don’t really need any advice. I’m already working on a solution.” You may have to say it repeatedly at first or even limit your contact with this person until they respect your boundary.
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